One Big Loving Family: How Extended Family Can Help Children’s Development

Extended family members can be an important part of young children’s development (1-5). Recent Pew Research Center data found that more than half of citizens lived within 1 hour of an extended family member (6). 

In addition, research notes a major way that extended family members can serve as a large influence on young children’s well-being and behavior is by acting as role-models, as well as potentially introducing children to opportunities and learnings that they may not otherwise have access to with primary caregivers, siblings, or friends (3,5,7). Furthermore, the support from extended family members also has been linked with a higher likelihood that children complete their education, as well as a decreased likelihood of depressive symptoms (2,5).

Grandparents, in particular, have been highlighted as often aiding young children’s development across a variety of different domains, such as cognitive and social abilities (8,9). Importantly, they can even serve a buffering role for potential negative outcomes when primary caregivers are unavailable or even absent, or when other potential stressors emerge during development (8,10,11). Grandparents also have been found to benefit, themselves, when they have close relationships with their grandchildren, such as showing improved health and increased engagement in exercise (12)! 

Extended family members often offer assistance to caregivers, whether it's emotional support, help with childcare, or other forms of help (2,3,9,11,13). For instance, one study suggested that grandparents, drawing from their wealth of parenting knowledge and experiences, can help caregivers manage the challenges of raising children. This support may also boost caregivers' confidence in their nurturing abilities (14).

Extended family does not always have to be blood relatives. Do you have other people you are close to in your life, a found family, or something in between? Well, it is possible that children receiving love from these individuals (i.e., “aunts” and “uncles” who happen to be close friends of primary caregivers) may also yield similar results as mentioned above!  

So, what are ways to best keep extended family as a part of your little one’s lives? 

Here are a couple of easy ideas:

1. Video Chat: An easy way to stay in touch with extended family near and far is by using various video chat software and technology, such as FaceTime and Zoom. Research finds that grandparents tend to enjoy video chat communication with their grandchildren, as it can allow young children to stay engaged with them moreso than typical audio phone calls (15). In addition, video chat is often recommended for young children as a screen time activity, due to its ability to foster connections with distant friends and relatives in a similar way as in-person interactions (16). 

2. Regularly Scheduled Get Togethers: Children love routine! Studies show that children significantly benefit in multiple ways when they engage in regular routines with their families (17,18). Set a regularly scheduled time to get together with various family members, whether once a week, once a month, or once every couple of months. It can be a meal, a walk through the park, a celebration, or anything in between!

3. Write Letters: While video chat, phone calls, and text messages can be sent and received much quicker, helping your child write letters to their family members can be a thoughtful and meaningful way to foster connections near and far. Even if your child is not old enough to write yet, they can draw a picture or dictate what they want to say to you. Whether in the letter, or through your own personal communication, encourage your family member to respond with their own letter, too. 

4. Exchange and Share Family Photos: Even if you don’t live close by, showing your child photos of their cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents can often spark meaningful conversations that can further deepen their understanding of the extended family (19). As time goes on, ask your relatives to continue sharing new photos, then show them to your child and spark new discussions of the relatives in the pictures. 

5. Be a Positive Family Member Role Model: Children learn a ton from your modeling of various behaviors, such as your showings of kindness (20). Thus, showing your child through your talk and actions how to be a positive contributor to their extended family can be a great way to foster meaningful connections between your child and their relatives. 

Research Represented:

1. Cross, C. J. (2018). Extended family households among children in the United States: Differences by race/ethnicity and socio-economic status. Population Studies, 72(2), 235-251.

2. Dressler, W. W. (1985). Extended family relationships, social support, and mental health in a southern black community. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 26(1), 39-48.

3. Castiglia, P. T. (1999). Extended families: Social support systems for children. Journal of Pediatric Health Care, 13(3), 139-141.

4. Jæger, M. M. (2012). The extended family and children’s educational success. American Sociological Review, 77(6), 903-922.

5. Loury, L. D. (2006). All in the extended family: Effects of grandparents, aunts, and uncles on educational attainment. American Economic Review, 96(2), 275-278.

6. Hurst, K. (2022, May 18). More than half of Americans live within an hour of extended family. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2022/05/18/more-than-half-of-americans-live-within-an-hour-of-extended-family/.

7. Erola, J., Kilpi-Jakonen, E., Prix, I., & Lehti, H. (2018). Resource compensation from the extended family: Grandparents, aunts, and uncles in Finland and the United States. European Sociological Review, 34(4), 348-364.

8. Coall, D. A., & Hertwig, R. (2010). Grandparental investment: Past, present, and future. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 33(1), 1-19.

9. Tinsley, B. J., & Parke, R. D. (1987). Grandparents as interactive and social support agents for families with young infants. The International Journal of Aging and Human Development, 25(4), 259-277.

10. Barnett, M. A., Scaramella, L. V., Neppl, T. K., Ontai, L. L., & Conger, R. D. (2010). Grandmother involvement as a protective factor for early childhood social adjustment. Journal of Family Psychology, 24(5), 635–645.

11. Dunifon, R. (2013). The influence of grandparents on the lives of children and adolescents. Child Development Perspectives, 7(1), 55-60.

12. Hughes, M. E., Waite, L. J., LaPierre, T. A., & Luo, Y. (2007). All in the family: The impact of caring for grandchildren on grandparents' health. The Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 62(2), S108-S119.

13. Bengtson, V. L. (2001). Beyond the nuclear family: the increasing importance of multigenerational bonds: the burgess award lecture. Journal of Marriage and Family, 63(1), 1-16.

14. Li, X., & Liu, Y. (2019). Parent-grandparent coparenting relationship, maternal parenting self-efficacy, and young children’s social competence in Chinese urban families. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 28, 1145-1153.

15. Ames, M. G., Go, J., Kaye, J. J. & Spasojevic, M. (2010). Making love in the network closet: The benefits and work of family videochat. Proceedings of the 2010 ACM Conference on Computer Supported Cooperative Work, 145–154. https://doi.org/10.1145/1718918.1718946

16. Council on Communications and Media. (2016). Media and Young Minds. Pediatrics 138(5), e20162591.

17. Ferretti, L. K., & Bub, K. L. (2017). Family routines and school readiness during the transition to kindergarten. Early Education and Development, 28(1), 59-77.

18. Spagnola, M., & Fiese, B. H. (2007). Family routines and rituals: A context for development in the lives of young children. Infants & young children, 20(4), 284-299.

19. Boerdam, J., & Martinius, W. O. (1980). Family photographs: A sociological approach. The Netherlands’  Journal of Sociology, 16(2), 95-119.

20. Hastings, P. D., Utendale, W. D., & Sullivan, C. (2007). The socialization of prosocial development. In J. E. Grusec & P. D. Hastings (Eds.), Handbook of socialization: Theory and research (pp. 638 – 664). New York, NY: Guilford Press.